A New Year

Once again, it's been a long time since I've written. This time it's because the goal of my blog actually worked. The whole idea was to write these journals until I felt confident and comfortable enough to begin writing fiction again. One of my favorite writing professors used to constantly tell me that writing was a muscle, and if we didn't stretch it often it would turn into useless flab. I thought this was crazy. And then I graduated college, became a teacher, and found myself worrying more about grading than creating. When I sat down to write, I realized she was exactly write. My muscles had turned to blubbering flub.

Well, the blog worked in getting me back in shape. I actually finished a young adult manuscript. I should be working on editing it- but the prospect of analyzing all of my words, realizing I'm not as talented as I thought, opening it up to be rejected- well those are scary things. Tom and Kristen are pushing me to do something with it- and I will. I just have to let my irrational fears settle again.

The end of this year has been pretty incredible. Tom and I got engaged! I'm so thrilled to begin the wedding planning- though that is scary too. Getting married means a whole new me. A new name, a new part of my identity. There's really nothing I want more, but if you've been reading, you know that I'm a wimp when it comes to change.

So a new year. I'm going to be celebrating with my fiance (doesn't that sound crazy!) and my best friend and her fiance. I'm excited to be surrounded by people I truly love- people who have helped me over come so many fears in my life.

This year, I think I should resolve to overcome my fears on my own. Overcome the fear of a messy apartment, of planning a wedding, of teaching 8th grade, of failing-- or maybe even succeeding with my writing. It's time to stop being paralyzed by the thought of change- I have to take hold of my life, realize I'm in control. I can change what needs to be changed, and I can find good in the change I can't stop.

My happiness journey is turning down some unchartered roads. I'm excited to be venturing down these new paths.