To Write or Not to Write

I used to consider myself a writer. In high school and college, I always knew I'd create a book-- it was my one goal, my dream. How could I give up on that?

But then, things change. I grew up. Got a job. Realized it takes a lot of time to take care of an apartment, cook dinners, create lesson plans and grade papers- and some how still find time for a social life. And with those realizations, writing began to slip away, slowly at first, and before I really had a chance to think about it, it disappeared completely.

Tom's been getting on my case. "You have a book in you," he tells me, "you just have to write it."

I'm reading this mediocre best-seller. The story is "eh", the writing so-so. It's mellow dramatic and the characters are only half way developed. Laying on the couch with Tom, I look up every few pages to complain. "I could do this," I say.

"So do it," he responds.

But it's not that easy. I recently read The Kite Runner. This book blew me away. I've heard arguments that the story was somewhat cliche, with the smart, noble servant and the weaker privileged boy. However, I feel if you were focusing on the cliche than you missed the point. Khaled Hosseini crafted an amazingly intricate, well woven story. The plot was so rich it stayed with me weeks after finishing it.

Same with To Kill a Mocking Bird. I've read this book so many times that the cover of my paperback copy is starting to rip. I know the story almost by heart, yet every time I delve into it I discover something new, something that amazes me all over again.

And then I think, could I do that? Could I create something so robust, so powerful it clings to the reader? Could I write something so moving it's read over and over again until the pages are almost falling out of the binding? If I can't, if I don't have that sort of talent trapped inside of me, is there a point to even trying?

I know, I know. I'm going against everything I teach. I'm constantly telling my students the only way to get better at writing is to write constantly. If one of my students told me they didn't want to write because they thought they'd never be good enough, I'd lecture them on the benefit of positive thinking, motivation, and the importance of practice. I would never let one of my students just drop their dream for fear of failure.

So what am I doing? Maybe I'll never be Harper Lee or Ernest Hemmingway. But what's stopping me? I'll save you the cliche- you know what will happen if I never try.

The same thing will happen that's happening now... nothing. I don't think I can accept nothing as good enough anymore.